January 13, 2016
"When He was alone with the Twelve, those who were around Him asked Him about the parables." (Mark 4:10)
It was not among the crowd that the true disciples and followers of Jesus went deeper with Him. No one asked Him to explain the parables of living while they were in public. But it was in the quiet and alone times with Him that they sought His answers to all of their questions. This is interesting to me because I minister in a "crowd" sort of way. And while questions do come forth in that setting, God's revelation is most evident when I am working with someone one on one. This seems to be a picture to me from my life as to what Oswald Chambers is getting at today.
It is completely by God's design that He works to get us alone. The very ways that He does this are often blamed on the Devil and his attacks. We blame him for the things that God is allowing for our own good. We blame the Devil while all the while God is wanting to reveal something to us. He uses our alone times of affliction, heartbreak, temptation, disappointment, sickness, thwarted affection, and broken friendships to capture our attention. I have seen, quite recently, how this is playing out in my life.
My Christmas holiday was wonderful; all the kids and their spouses and children, and one "almost" spouse, all gathered at varying times to celebrate together. It was lovely . . . all except for the situations of the great-grandmothers. One had fallen just prior to Christmas and was hurting, both physically and emotionally. For this one, the most of the holiday was about her. The other one was emotionally disconnected, but that was no new thing. The first one's situation was much more easily handled; but the second one hurt my heart through a form of yet another rejection. Regarding her, it was about my own disappointment in her ability to thwart my affection. She simply did not draw near to me and held me at arm's length. But since she has been gone, I have heard the voice of Jesus speaking to me, not about her, but about me! He has not spoken in His normal way to me, through His Word, but clearly to my heart and through others. In. my heart the whole situation was confusing and upsetting, but then today I read this devotion, and He speaks again:
The second revelation came from her again. "Just let her be happy in what she believes is happiness. You won't change her." Again my heart was pierced by her words.
Now today, this third revelation comes. The second great-grandma's perplexities are not for me to figure out. They are "absolute confusion" to me. Really, they are irrelevant to me. Not because of any reason except that God wants to deal with me and my soul. So, He got me alone in my heartbreak and disappointment to do just that. He wants to work some more on my heart.
PRAYER
Dear sweet Jesus, I am ready to lay down all of my issues with my mom. I am ready to let go of her. I am ready to let go (again) of all of my hopes and dreams and expectations for a wonderful mother-daughter relationship. It is enough that You want to work on my responses to her, while at the same time, enjoying what I have in my relationships with You and so many others. I want to return to feeling blessed in spite of the fact that my mother and I have no emotional connection. I think I am done with all the "noisy questions of the head" that keep me from being alone with You, that keep me from hearing Your voice calling me to higher ground. I surrender my broken emotions to You, entrusting them to Your perfect care. I am ready to leave behind the "victim" mindset and to step into the "victorious" lifestyle. Help me, Holy Spirit!
"When He was alone with the Twelve, those who were around Him asked Him about the parables." (Mark 4:10)
It was not among the crowd that the true disciples and followers of Jesus went deeper with Him. No one asked Him to explain the parables of living while they were in public. But it was in the quiet and alone times with Him that they sought His answers to all of their questions. This is interesting to me because I minister in a "crowd" sort of way. And while questions do come forth in that setting, God's revelation is most evident when I am working with someone one on one. This seems to be a picture to me from my life as to what Oswald Chambers is getting at today.
It is completely by God's design that He works to get us alone. The very ways that He does this are often blamed on the Devil and his attacks. We blame him for the things that God is allowing for our own good. We blame the Devil while all the while God is wanting to reveal something to us. He uses our alone times of affliction, heartbreak, temptation, disappointment, sickness, thwarted affection, and broken friendships to capture our attention. I have seen, quite recently, how this is playing out in my life.
My Christmas holiday was wonderful; all the kids and their spouses and children, and one "almost" spouse, all gathered at varying times to celebrate together. It was lovely . . . all except for the situations of the great-grandmothers. One had fallen just prior to Christmas and was hurting, both physically and emotionally. For this one, the most of the holiday was about her. The other one was emotionally disconnected, but that was no new thing. The first one's situation was much more easily handled; but the second one hurt my heart through a form of yet another rejection. Regarding her, it was about my own disappointment in her ability to thwart my affection. She simply did not draw near to me and held me at arm's length. But since she has been gone, I have heard the voice of Jesus speaking to me, not about her, but about me! He has not spoken in His normal way to me, through His Word, but clearly to my heart and through others. In. my heart the whole situation was confusing and upsetting, but then today I read this devotion, and He speaks again:
" . . . the only thing that is clear to you, and the only thing God intends to be clear, is the way He deals with your own soul. Your brother's sorrows and perplexities are an absolute confusion to you."I am beginning to understand in these alone times that not only is Jesus here with me in them, but also that He wants to bring revelation to my soul. The first revelation came through my almost "daughter," who, when I was sharing my hurts with her, wisely said, "You cannot do her part for her; you can only do your part." That pierced my heart through, in a very good way. Jesus clearly was speaking to me through her.
The second revelation came from her again. "Just let her be happy in what she believes is happiness. You won't change her." Again my heart was pierced by her words.
Now today, this third revelation comes. The second great-grandma's perplexities are not for me to figure out. They are "absolute confusion" to me. Really, they are irrelevant to me. Not because of any reason except that God wants to deal with me and my soul. So, He got me alone in my heartbreak and disappointment to do just that. He wants to work some more on my heart.
"There are whole tracts of stubbornness and ignorance to be revealed by the Holy Spirit in each one of us, and it can only be done when Jesus gets us alone."So, at the beginning of this new year, I want God to deal with more of the complexities of my own heart. I want my alone times to be times of His revelation to me. I want, in my alone times, to be free and comfortable to ask the Lord about my idiosyncrasies that need to be rooted out of me. I want to move forward, toward utter trust in Him.
PRAYER
Dear sweet Jesus, I am ready to lay down all of my issues with my mom. I am ready to let go of her. I am ready to let go (again) of all of my hopes and dreams and expectations for a wonderful mother-daughter relationship. It is enough that You want to work on my responses to her, while at the same time, enjoying what I have in my relationships with You and so many others. I want to return to feeling blessed in spite of the fact that my mother and I have no emotional connection. I think I am done with all the "noisy questions of the head" that keep me from being alone with You, that keep me from hearing Your voice calling me to higher ground. I surrender my broken emotions to You, entrusting them to Your perfect care. I am ready to leave behind the "victim" mindset and to step into the "victorious" lifestyle. Help me, Holy Spirit!
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